Hunger
by Raven Summersong
Summary: A Christmas Story. Many Years before "Honor of Thieves" Jessie sets in motion something that will dovetail to her future. 1 Shot Finished


A/N I received a wonderful e-mail announcing that "Honor of Thieves" had been nominated for a best story award. on a fan's site contest. Alas, by the time I was able to respond to the e-mail to say I accepted the nomination, it was too late and I could not be entered. But you really have no idea how it felt to know someone out there thought my little tale was good enough for an award. Whoever you are, I thank you deeply for the honor of your praise and faith. It is readers like you, oh mysterious one, who make doing this a pleasure. And to you, this story is dedicated.  
  
This is a little "what if" tale. I apologize, as it is not really a turtles fan fiction in the strict sense but a Jessie Walker Story, and a Splinter Story. I ask your pardon and patience. Come with me, many years before the events of "Honor of Thieves" when a young child was learning to be a Cat. On Christmas Eve, she will touch, for one moment, her future.  
  
To all of you, Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah. Blessed Yule. Happy Kwanzaa. Whatever your winter festival, May the blessings of the season be bright on you all. And may we all remember the small blessings that truly matter. ************************************************************  
  
The snow began just as she got the edge of the screwdriver under the mesh grate in the wall. She was balanced carefully on the edge of a pile of creates, and she paused for one moment to look up in the fading light. She smiled a little, her too thin face lightening, her eyes coming to life. The girl had tucked her shoulder length hair beneath her jacket and hat, but stubborn strands of chestnut brown lay against the smooth pale slope of her forehead. Hazel eyes sparked at the sight of the tiny white dancers in the air.  
  
"Snow for Christmas" She murmured to herself, grinning.  
  
Her father lay sixteen blocks away in a drunken sleep. That was a good thing. A time would come, and soon she thought, when she would leave his sight forever. She would simply run away into the darkness of the city and let the shadows protect her. But it was too soon. She was still learning and even at the age of 9 she knew that she was not yet prepared for what waited for her out here.  
  
The city was no kinder than her father was, but it was fair. If she could become strong. Manhattan would give her shelter. If she became a predator, it would give itself to her as her jungle.  
  
She did not think these things quite clearly. She was far too young to understand them in any intellectual way, but her instincts were sharp and she trusted them. They said she was not yet ready.  
  
Kevin Walker had no food in the house. No tree. No gifts. She had not had Christmas since the year her mother had died three years ago. It was up to her to get herself a Christmas feast. There was no Santa Clause. No Ebenezer Scrooge with a change of heart. Only herself. She didn't miss presents so much, as she did the tree. There was something about the lights on the branches that always made her heart jump in her breast. She had gone to Rockefeller today, and stood near the great tree, and looked up at the colors and the lights. For a little while she had felt like it was her tree, her very own. Their trees had always been small ones, Kevin had never wanted any part of their cheer, but at least in those days he had not begun to hit her yet. Not yet. That wouldn't come until after her mother was gone. In those days, Jessie's mother would say "Close your eyes, and then the stars will come" and Jessie had. When she opened them, a thousand stars it seemed had come to rest on their Christmas tree. A thousand tiny warm lights.  
  
She had passed the carolers out near FAO Schwarz's front doors today. They had captured her attention for at least an hour, and she had found herself singing with them, all the old carols her mother had loved. She had stood looking in the windows at Macy's at all the holiday displays...this year featuring scenes of New York Christmas's of the past. All these things has warmed her a little, and made Christmas a little more real for her.  
  
Jessie shook her head, and her eyes went back to her work. She had examined the grate and found it just big enough for a little girl underfed to crawl through. She had come yesterday and bought a sandwich and seen where the other side led. She had taken note of the sign on the diner's door.  
  
"Christmas Eve 9-4  
  
Closed Christmas day"  
  
She had overheard the best part. The cook out back, complaining to the waitress in a low tone, but then they hadn't paid a lot of attention to the small girl at the counter. The waitress had been kind, and Jessie noted she had given her twice the fries the sandwich came with. She had started to say something and the woman had said "Eat up, Honey"  
  
The cook had muttered "Joe better get that alarm fixed. Someone could just waltz in here after hours and take the till right out."  
  
The waitress had hushed him, but Jessie was the only one in there, and they didn't look too worried. A young girl, eating and reading a thick copy of "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe." No threat at all.  
  
The Grate fell away, and Jessie caught it and set it aside on the creates gently. She had a backpack on, flat against her back. Empty. She put her hands on the edge of the air vent and leaned forward, pushing herself up. She slid into the mouth, and knelt on hands and knees panting a little. It was hard to do that, and she rested a little.  
  
Then, she crawled.  
  
Silently she moved along the low silver tunnel, inch by inch. One false move and the metal would buck and makes a hollow booming noise. She wasn't sure the diner was empty. She hadn't seen the crew come out yet. She had to be silent if she was going to eat.  
  
It was very dark in here, but ahead she saw light and now she heard voices. Three, two men and a woman. As she crept nearer the woman was saying "....So I said 'Mam, if you couldn't tell if the steak was rare or well done until after you finished it, we need a new cook'  
  
There was a round of good-natured laughter at this and then the woman said "Gotta go Joe. The kids are expecting me. The annual skate tonight."  
  
"I'm going upstate myself." Said one of the men.  
  
Jessie could see the end of the tunnel now straight ahead, and a grate partially blocking her sight. She stopped and listened, not wanting to get close until they were finished.  
  
"The traffic's gonna be murder, Keith." Said the second male; Joe was Jessie's guess.  
  
"Could'a called out" Keith said but he sounded cheerful. "The folks are waiting. Can't disappoint"  
  
There was shuffling as the three moved around and then the woman said "Goodnight guys. Merry Christmas."  
  
"Hang on Amy, we'll walk you out" Joe said and she heard the tinkle of the bells over the front door far away.  
  
Then there was silence. Jessie stayed there, very still for a long time. She tried to count seconds, but then she was never sure if she spaced the pauses between numbers right. Finally she moved forward again, settling down where she could work at this grate. The screwdriver came out of the backpack, and she got the edge under the metal frame. She couldn't undo the screws from this side, but she could bend it. And she did, working the edge of the screen slowly. It seemed to take forever, hours, but finally she managed to pop the screw in the lower left-hand corner. Gripping the edge she pulled it back and forth until the lower right screw popped. Then she put her booted feet against it and pushed with her legs.  
  
The screen popped out right away and clattered dully on the floor below. She froze, listened for a long moment, and then pulled herself out of the vent, and onto the top of a tall solid cabinet.  
  
In a moment, she had climbed to the storage room floor, and stood looking around. Her eyes widened a little and she grinned.  
  
There was food everywhere. On the shelves, peanut butter and bread and sacks of sugar and salt. The walk in cooler and freezer beyond promised meat, pies, and milk. A plastic barrel of apples sat against one wall, and she smelled their deep sweet smell.  
  
She turned and went into the cooler and found a shelf of nothing but pies. She took a cheery pie and a plastic sack of milk and went back into the main storage room. She had nothing to eat with, didn't dare go into the eating area for fear someone would see her through the big windows.  
  
She began to eat the pie with her hands. She bit a small hole in the bag of milk, and sucked at it like a calf at suckle. The pie was sweet and tart, the crust crisp even though it was very cold. It tasted like heaven. The sugar and the juice hit her system almost right away, and she felt her body waking up with it. Food. Real good food. The milk was cold and sweet as well, and creamy. She thought of Sunday mornings with her mother, eating a donut and drinking a glass and reading the funnies. It had been weeks since she had tasted milk.  
  
She could not drink the whole bag, it was for a milk machine, and when she had drunk her fill she had to pour the rest down the sink. She regretted it, but there was no way to take it with her, and she would not insult the owners by spilling it in a mess on the floor. She was a thief, yes, but not a vandal. She already knew she would not do anything that was not necessary for survival. There was no need to add injury to insult.  
  
She wrapped the wrest of the pie in plastic wrap she found and put it aside. Then she began to load her pack. Bread, peanut butter, lunch meat, apples, a small plastic bottle of mustard. She put cheese in, and a handful of jam packets.  
  
She wished she could take bacon, or hamburger. But she couldn't cook, and she couldn't ask her father to cook. Even if he didn't ask where she had gotten the food (some part of her knew he wouldn't care that she was stealing unless she was caught), he would cook it and then eat it himself. That was how things were.  
  
She put the remains of the pie in, and felt the weight of it. She could not crawl back, there was no way she could climb back up, and even if she could the backpack was now too full and too high for her to fit. But no matter. She would unlock the door from this side and go.  
  
She cleaned up the evidence of her feast. They would know she had been here, but somehow she didn't want to leave a mess. As she threw the pie carton in the trash she heard the lock on the front door click. She froze as the bell tinkled and Joe's voice said "Lucky you didn't get past 34th."  
  
She spun, and was across the room in a second. Still wearing her full pack she crawled behind the long row of silver counter, and waited.  
  
Footsteps and then Keith spoke right in the storage room "Left it right here too. Thanks Joe, I'm always leavin' my...."  
  
His foot struck something and she heard metal scrape on concrete. He muttered "What the hell is..." And then paused a long second.  
  
"Joe.....Joe...." He said "Someone punched the vent in"  
  
//The grate. I left it on the floor and he kicked it. STUPID!// she thought and closed her eyes. Another set of footsteps and then Joe spoke "That's not big enough for someone to...."  
  
"Its kicked in from the inside." Keith said.  
  
"You think someone...." Joe said.  
  
Jessie pulled back, and the damned backpack struck the counter. There was a thud against the metal, and both men yelped.  
  
"Who the hell is there!" Joe yelled and Jessie bolted.  
  
She saw their surprised faces as she barreled toward them. It only took a second or so for her to reach them and Keith was right in the doorway...but the door outside was open, she could see it cracked. She leapt at him, and dove between his legs.  
  
He yelped again, and she felt a hand snag the backpack harsh. He yanked, but in his surprise, it was half-hearted and she pulled back, hard.  
  
"No no NO!" She screamed and yanked with all her might. She heard the cloth of the old backpack tear and felt the food tumble from the gaping hole. Some part of her cried out at the loss, but the adrenaline in her jolted her forward across the dining area, and out the front door. The two men close behind.  
  
She was afraid to stay on the sidewalk for more than a moment. Her luck was sour tonight, and she ducked up the ally across the street.  
  
******  
  
Keith and Joe ran panting into the ally. It was a dead end, the brick wall at the end crumbling and strewn with garbage and boxes.  
  
An old wino with a beaten cloth sack sat against the wall. He was draped in rags, and a long hooded cloak like covering that hid his face. For a second, Joe thought maybe this was the little girl hiding, but the figure was too wide.  
  
"I swear she came in here" Said Keith.  
  
"Hey Mister, you seen a little girl running away?" Joe said.  
  
"I have seen nothing" said a soft, almost whispering voice.  
  
Joe held up a twenty "Seen anything now"  
  
The figure paused, he saw the cloak move as he tipped his head.  
  
"I have seen nothing" He sounded a little offended now.  
  
"Joe, forget it. Maybe it was the next one......." Keith said and then quietly "She's just a kid...did you see that. It was all food, she was...."  
  
"Stealing" Joe growled and the two men vanished.  
  
There was a long pause and the figure was still as stone. Then he spoke again; gently "It is safe child. Come."  
  
The cardboard boxes shifted and the girl stood up from them. She looked at the figure with something between awe and mistrust. The figure seemed to be watching her. She couldn't see anything of it, except for the glitter of eyes. She seemed to be trying to decide something and then she spoke "Why didn't you take the money? Why didn't you tell them mister?"  
  
The figure didn't answer for a long moment, and Jessie took off her backpack in the silence and looked in. Almost all the food was gone. One loaf of bread, one jar of peanut butter and a large handful of Jam packets. That was all.  
  
"Damn:" She whispered. She had never said that word before but it fit now. Well, at least she had something left. Peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches could be a good Christmas feast.  
  
"I know what it is to be hungry; child" The man said softly, still watching her "I know what it is to be alone."  
  
Those words went to her core, and she was ashamed suddenly to feel tears in her eyes. She wiped at them, and found more there. There was such a simple emotion in that statement. He was telling the truth, she knew it somehow. He was telling the truth, and he really did know. He understood.  
  
Someone understood. She couldn't have put into words how that made her feel.  
  
"Thank you Sir" She whispered and said "You......you were looking for food?"  
  
"It is not so much myself but my sons" He said .  
  
She smiled a little bit "You have boys?"  
  
"Yes, child. I am not alone any longer." She heard the smile in his voice and it made her smile as well.  
  
"How many boys? Little like me?"  
  
"Four sons. And yes, like you. Children."  
  
"That's nice. That's really nice." She said, and wiped at her eyes again. She looked into his sack, that lay half open, and saw one half rotted cabbage.  
  
"Is that....All you have sir?" She said. Looking at it made her feel funny, sad and alone all over again.  
  
The cowl moved a little as he looked down "I will find more." He said. But there was something in his voice that told her a different story.  
  
Jessie looked at her backpack and then held it out to him "For you."  
  
He was very still "Child....I cannot. You have gone through much for it. And I will not take food from another's mouth."  
  
"I'll get more mister. And I ate in there. I'm full, really. You got four mouths....five. It aint much, but it'll do for awhile you know? Better than garbage." She walked up to him and placed it before him "I aint takin' it. So you better or it'll be waste. My momma hated waste" She said and smiled sadly. "She would have asked you to take it, mister. She would have I know."  
  
He said nothing for a long moment and she was afraid he was angry. Then he said in the softest voice she had heard yet "Thank you child. I will tell them they have a sister who has provided for us this night."  
  
She smiled a little "Yeah, I like that. That's cool" She said.  
  
She stepped back and away from him, and nodded "Merry Christmas Sir." She said and turned.  
  
"meri-kurisumasu, child." He replied. She looked back at him, and smiled one last time, and it was unhidden and true. It lit her face. Suddenly she felt like she could have flown. It was as if her mother had somehow reached beyond death and touched her, and she felt warm and full for the first time in a long time. Not just of food, but of life.  
  
Then she was gone into the swirling snow, and Splinter stood and slipped into the shadows with the girls bag in one hand, his sack in the other. He supposed coming out so those men would see him was reckless, and he mused that he had taken a great chance for the girl. She would never know how great of a chance it had been. But, when he had watched her hide from his own hiding place, he had seen something in her face that had made him want...almost need....to help her.  
  
It was so strange how things went. He had risked everything to protect her. And she had given up everything to fill his sons bellies for a little while.  
  
As he slipped into the sewers he mused how things came around. He paused looking up through a storm drain grate, and saw a single star high above the city in a small break in the clouds. It was like an eye, looking down at the world and he thought //Protect her. Please, protect her. Make her heart strong for what lies ahead.//  
  
Then he turned and went home to his sons, and a feast.  
  
Jessie made her way through the street as a million lights came twinkling everywhere to light the night up. That warmth stayed inside her, and when she looked up at the she laughed. Tomorrow she would find a way to eat. Everyday she would find a way to eat. But she understood now, in a wordless way that she could stay, as she wanted to be and still eat. She could keep her heart hidden and safe, but still real.  
  
//My Christmas Present// She thought happily //I'm a sister. I'm their sister//  
  
When she came to the corner, she heard the carolers and she stopped to listen to a carol she had never heard before but that she found she loved. Even when she walked up the long stairs to the small apartment that was her prison, she had music in her mind and her heart. It was still singing there when she fell asleep and dreamt of a great Christmas tree and dancing around it with her mother.  
  
******  
  
Almost Ten years later:  
  
Jessie looked up as Mike came into the room. He was carrying a plate of sandwiches and passed them around to each of the members of his clan there in the lair. Jessie sniffed at the white bread and grinned a little at the sweet smell.  
  
Casey raised an eyebrow "Peanut butter and Jelly? I thought you had Turkey at Christmas? Isn't April..."?  
  
"Yeah she is" Raph said "We're gonna go eat up there later. This is tradition"  
  
Jessie smiled "Hey I love PB and J"  
  
"Why the sandwiches?" Casey said curiously.  
  
"Someone helped us a long time ago at Christmas, when we were kids" Leo said.  
  
"So we always eat 'em to remember 'er." Said Raph "Our Sis"  
  
Something stirred in the back of Jessie's mind. She tried to grasp it, but there had been so much done, so many jobs, and so many times she had taken care of those that couldn't take car of themselves. That's what Shadow did, it was the rules. The rules she made to keep them really real and true. She couldn't be really sure. Not really. It was a long time.  
  
Splinter stood. He had suspected the first night Jessie had lain helpless there and he had looked into her eyes. They were the same sort of eyes the girl had. He had not been sure then, but he had become sure. Again, he mused how things dovetailed together. He had debated telling her he was the "old wino", but then the girl might not even remember . And what good would telling her do anyway? She was part of them now, but of course hadn't she been a part of them since that night. Since he had named her sister to his sons, and therefore daughter to himself.  
  
He was quiet as he looked around and then spoke "In honor of those who made sacrifices to keep us strong, and the ties that bind us as clan and family. We sup." He said and then sat down.  
  
Jessie smiled "In honor" She said softly and bit into the sandwich. She had eaten a lot of PB and J as a kid. It was easy to steal and cheep to buy. But somehow, sitting here with all of them, laughing at Mike, and meeting Splinters gentle gaze.....it was the sweetest food she had ever tasted.  
  
A carol she had heard once came to her then, and she s smiled as she remembered the song from that snowy Christmas Eve she hardly remembered.  
  
"Peace on Earth, can it be  
  
Years from now, perhaps we'll see  
  
See the day of glory  
  
See the day, when men of good will  
  
Live in peace, live in peace again  
  
Peace on Earth, can it be  
  
Every child must be made aware  
  
Every child must be made to care  
  
Care enough for his fellow man  
  
To give all the love that he can  
  
I pray my wish will come true  
  
For my child and your child too  
  
He'll see the day of glory  
  
See the day when men of good will  
  
Live in peace, live in peace again  
  
Peace on Earth, can it be  
  
Can it be."  
  
Peace on earth and Goodwill toward men. And mutants. And pickpockets who keep their hearts. 


End file.
